Boyfriends and roommates

This started out as an e-mail to my roommate and ended up as a blog entry. I don’t know where it came from but I feel like I should post it:

So, last night I was laying in bed thinking again about the sermon that Pastor Perry spoke on and I was also thinking about you know, ‘Why don’t I have a boyfriend now?’ ‘Don’t I deserve happiness?’ ‘How long do I have to wait for God’s immeasurably more than anything I can ask or imagine?’ And then it hit me: right now…the right question for me to ask myself is: Am I (insert future husband’s name here)’s immeasurably more than anything he can ask or imagine? And I know that I am not. By a LOT. Recently I’ve been focusing so much on thinking, ‘the guy that God wants for me must not be ready because I’M READY TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW!!!!!’ I’ve been putting all the blame for not being in a relationship on somebody that I haven’t even met yet! What a great way to start off a relationship. All I can do is keep working on me. What can I improve on? Two things that immediately come to mind are my physical and spiritual health.

I need to be physically healthy because the guy I’m going to be with deserves a) to be with the one he loves for a long time and b) to look pleasing in his eyes. The second part of that statement seems superficial, but it’s not when you think about it. When I think about the kind of guy I want to marry, I mean the absolute IDEAL for me would be a physically appealing guy. I’ve never imagined a fat, bald acne laden guy as my future husband. No…I think of someone more like *ahem* Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Physically, that kind of guy is immeasurably more than all that I can ask or imagine for myself. And I’m positive that when (future husband) thinks about the kind of woman he’s going to marry, my physique is not the first thing to come to mind. God wants us to be a physical, emotional and most importantly, spiritual gift to our spouses.

I need to be spiritually healthy because a) God is not going to give me a husband when I am focusing completely on being in a relationship with a man and not being in a relationship with God and b) because my (future husband) deserves to have a Proverbs 31 woman…not a Proverbs 27:15 woman. Pastor Perry said in his sermon about marriage that when you take your eyes off of God and put it on a man, that it is the beginning of the end of that relationship. It cannot be sustained without God’s blessing and God’s love. He also brought up the fact that when we’re trying to push God into a deadline for love, that we try to justify settling for less than God’s best for us. Why settle for a cheeseburger when you can have a steak? I also don’t want my (future husband) to settle for me if I’m still acting like a cheeseburger. I am selfish and stubborn and sometimes ill-tempered (i.e...a big jerk!) when I don’t get my way. I act like the Proverbs 27:15 woman…who is such a terrible wife that living with her is like torture for her husband.

I really believe that God wanted me to stay single during my twenties so that I can learn how to humble myself and learn to be a giver and not a taker. Living with my roommate has really opened my eyes to all the intricacies and dynamics of sharing your home and your life with another person. From finances to cleaning responsibilities. Every single day I either learn something new about communal living or I am rebuked about something that I had been selfish about. I also know that I still have so much more to learn. I look forward to growing mentally and spiritually.